Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
