Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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