I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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