JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
