Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
