Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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