I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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