if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
