he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Someone signed my nipple.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
