Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
