I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
