Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
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