...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize