I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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