I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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