i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
