He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
