your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
