Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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