Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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