is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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