DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
