Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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