what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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