so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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