I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have already put on my inside pants.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize