maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
