If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
