someone threw a dead crab at me
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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