last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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