used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
