Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
