Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
