it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
