thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
