I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
