My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
