so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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