She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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