Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize