The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
