i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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