Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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