Just fell off a train. Bad.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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