is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
