Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
