I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
