I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
