The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
