you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
