pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
