maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
