I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
