Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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