i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
there is glitter all over my balls
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