Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
