I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
