I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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