just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
