I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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