hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
