dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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