I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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