Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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