Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
